Freebirth, Trauma, and Doulas

I think it’s worth noting that every time I gave birth, I had the feeling that I’d dodged a bullet.

Victorious? Sure.

High on pure oxytocin-fueled joy and love, and so amazed and delighted at this new perfect being and what my body was just capable of? Absolutely!!

But also…blessed, sweet relief.

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How I learned I wasn’t an Introvert: Healing Social Trauma and Building Community

How I learned I wasn’t an introvert: Healing Social Trauma and Building Community

A big focus of my 30s has been dedicated to healing social trauma in myself. I used to think I was an introvert, or anti-social…later I thought, maybe I’ve got Asperger’s? (Maybe I do.)

Now, I realize that I’m healing from social trauma and complex PTSD, stemming from the beginning of early childhood. It’s been a weird and fascinating journey!


Back in 2013, I attended the Birth Without Fear Conference in DFW. I think it was the first one ever. I did henna art on dozens of lovely mamas there, and one said she lived “in Central Texas”.

I said, “Oh, me too!”

However, both of us had been burned socially too many times, and didn’t want to risk disappointment again – so we just added each other on social media and stayed virtual friends.

…for the next FIVE YEARS. Continue reading

Avoiding Healthy Habits? Here’s Why:

Do you avoid healthy habits, even if your brain “knows” they’re good for you? Unfortunately, logic alone is not enough to combat our deeply held, often unconscious beliefs and fears.

Our brain tries to keep us safe – and often has us avoiding things that scare us, even if that fear is 100% not a threat to our survival.

Mental health awareness is not something we think about in ourselves or in others, until our struggles become painfully, dangerously obvious…and that’s not okay!

What are you avoiding, and how is that impacting your life?

Did you know that avoidance behaviors are one of the two main hallmarks of PSTD?

People think PTSD only has to do with soldiers…but many, many of us actually have some sort of PTSD. Things like childhood dysfunctions, abusive relationships, a difficult birth, surgery, or even natural disasters can create it!

Trauma unhinges our sense of feeling safe – and so we avoid anything that tends to feel similar, in order to protect ourselves.

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The Problem with “I Was Spanked and I’m Fine”

Before we begin, I’d like to remark that it is 2018 in the most information-saturated society in the history of the known world.

I can’t believe we still need to have this conversation.

However, new studies show that the more frequently children are spanked, the more likely they are to

  • defy their parents;
  • experience anti-social behavior;
  • increased aggression;
  • mental health problems;
  • and cognitive difficulties

Are you surprised? I’m not.

Furthermore, even the AAP (whom I heartily disagree with on several counts) has come out against corporal punishment of any kind against children, due to the new research that shows normal brain development is impacted by physical discipline.

Statistically speaking, physical correction and spanking are still very common practices in American parenting. Continue reading

Why I don’t owe you an explanation of my NO.

This article is also posted on theHomestead.Guru, under the title, Why You Should Say NO More Often and Give Fewer Fucks


For many years, I thought that it was my responsibility, my duty, to deep-dive into the most terrible and baffling things, in some mad hope of understanding them in order to transmute them–to bring about healing.

I thought I had to suffer in order to heal suffering.
 
Then I realized that was hopelessly arrogant of me.

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Storytime! My Mom’s Emotional Healing with Melaleuca Essential Oil

Tea tree oil and emotional healing…

When I was really little, my mom would let me take hour-long baths almost every night.

Bubble bath was a must, and usually food coloring too. It was so fun–but over time, I developed some gnarly skin rashes.

In retrospect, we live in TEXAS and if you’re soaking your skin in water for hours each week, and not using lotion or oil of some sort to rehydrate/seal in the moisture, your skin is gonna get extremely dry!

My mother did not think of this, however.

She was worried, and for her, worried meant “driven”.

She bought all sorts of ointments, creams, disinfectants, anti-virals, anti-bacterials–whatever you can think of. Prescription creams and all…but nothing helped. My mama was already skeptical of the medical model of care, and so she started researching.

Finally, she learned about something all the way from Australia, called TEA TREE OIL.

Mind you, this was 1985. My mom was researching this in obscure home-printed newsletters at the health food store, and dodgy-looking ads in the back of natural health magazines that she had to mail away for.

Essential oils were NOT a thing yet, and neither was healthy living, really… Continue reading

On Abortion as a Birthworker

Back when I was a full-time doula, I remember having a conversation with my husband’s best friend. Something came up about abortion, and he kind of fumbled over his words and apologized to me.

I was confused for a moment, then asked him directly – “Do you think I’m pro-life because I attend births?”

And he said, “Well, yeah….aren’t you?”

He was surprised (and relieved) to learn that not all birth professionals are pro-life.

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How we lost 90K in less than a year

Originally written in 2012

I’ve been doing a LOT of inner work on my money mindset lately.  I’m growing my business in ambitious proportions, and we’ve been enjoying a quality of life that’s really pretty excellent for the past few years, even with the difficulties that we may have.

In short, I really love my life.

People seem to think that getting a quick infusion of cash, like winning the lottery, is the best/quickest way to change your life, tho this isn’t nearly as true as we’d hope.

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The Fallout From Getting What You Asked For

So aside from a huge dose of grief and loss, it’s very interesting that my intentions are indeed coming to fruition.  

Quite rapidly,  in fact–but as is quite often the case, there can be unexpected repercussions to getting what you ask for.

This story is rich and complex, and I want to do it justice as it continues to unfold in the days and months to come.

We have been busy this past two weeks, because (unrelated to the passing of my mother, although curiously timed) the decision had been made to move into my father’s home with him.

Over the past two months, his back pain has become crippling, and he can no longer take care of the house by himself.  Once my mother passed, it was clear that he ought not to be alone for long, so we moved shortly thereafter.

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