Yesterday we celebrated Solstice with my family - meaning, my 5 children and my husband. We watched the kids open their stockings and unwrap their gifts while listening to (and singing) Christmas music. We baked and decorated cookies, lit a candle, and had a small feast.

Despite being Pagan, our holiday celebrations probably aren’t too different from anyone else’s - except that we don’t celebrate with extended family, and often include a bonfire.

Solstice is a time for introspection, usually. A retreat into the dark cave of our consciousness, a time for rethinking and assessing where we’ve been over the past 12-ish months, what progression and shifts we’ve made.

This year, however, I’m feeling jaded with the typical look-back, goal-setting, rah rah biz-upgrade style.

I know I have a lot to feel grateful for - but there’s also an urgency and an irritation at play, because this year has brought massive clarity about what I truly care about, and what’s worth investing in.

I’m talking about investment on a broader scale, here - investment of time, energy, and effort.

So much of modern life is a distraction. It’s a life of illusion by design.

I’m more aware than ever that a majority of us are being blue-pilled continually - moment by moment - through distraction disguised as entertainment, and the intoxicating feeling of fear disguised as rationality and self-righteousness.

This is not something to “fix” or remedy - it IS the remedy … for those who’ve chosen it.

2019 was a year of awakening to and reconciling my past traumas - and 2020 was so weird, because I saw so many people willingly plug themselves into a reality of manipulation and fear.

Women (and men - but often, women) who have woken up and successfully escaped gaslighting, narcissism, and manipulative behavior in their personal relationships are especially good at scenting it wherever it appears.

Like an ex-smoker who knows the exact scent of the brand they used to fiend for…we know what it is without having it spelled out for us.

Those of us who have had to recalibrate their internal compass from scratch after being coerced and shamed, made to doubt our own instincts … we know bullshit better than anyone because we has to learn to scent it even from within the shithole of abuse.

I finally broke free of my own personal fear matrix just in time to see the masses submit to a larger, more coordinated one.

Seems like I’m always doing things in the opposite way of everyone else…

We watched Matrix 4 today (no spoilers) - and aside from the delight of seeing Keanu, Carrie Ann Moss, and Neil Patrick Harris together on-screen, it’s also just laughably obvious that Hollywood is fucking with us.

It brings up the idea of sentient AI as our allies, worthy of our compassion - a theme I’ve been seeing more often lately, even outside of entertainment.

It also points out how predictable we humans are, and how easily we can be manipulated via our emotions (pesky things, or so they want us to think).

Think, don’t feel—and feel ‘superior’ to the masses.

Or feel, don’t think, and stay oblivious.

Either way, AIs can predict our patterns and stay several steps ahead of us.

Some salient quotes from the movie, only slightly paraphrased:

“Most of these sheeple (yes they really used that word) don’t want freedom, they want order. They want to be controlled.”

“Was this ever really a choice?” (repeated in at least 2 different situations)

“Choice is an illusion - because you’ve always known what you would do.”

and one of my favorites…

“Women used to be so easy to manipulate.”

A broader theme of the movie was also, there is untapped power in human connection.

This is of course true, and was not lost on me - as we’ve got to be discerning to pick out the truth within the manipulation.

As Inelia Benz has been saying for at least 2 years - the time of the lone wolf is over - it’s time to connect with other high-frequency individuals and start creating our own future.

It’s time to break free of whatever matrix you awaken in, whether that’s fear, complacency, a trap of low risk/low reward, or simply the creature comforts of a predictable, safe, zoo-animal type of life - otherwise referred to as ‘normal’.

So perhaps you won’t see the typical feel-good goals on my vision board for 2022.

The time for aesthetic enlightenment is over.

I’m practicing a level of self-focus that likely makes me seem like a heartless bitch - and I’m no longer asking permission or trying to do it in ways that don’t bother anyone else.

I’m going to take up space and make shit happen, without apology or preamble, and I hope to lead by example.

Burn bridges, shed your fears, become unpredictable.

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My thoughts on Matrix 4, scenting BS, and the…

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